Beat again

Place fairy dust in my mind, let's see what magic I might find

To feel something again would be sweet, just one heart beat

Just one tear, I want to feel something even fear

I have become numb and cold hearted, I lost myself and was departed

In the mist I still roam, self confusion to where is home

Thought I'd found the way out, but here I am in my mind still having a shout

Torn between a world of insanity and lies, surrounded by everything that I despise

Where do I fit? I'm sick of falling in this snake pit!

Just one heart beat; just one tear, I want to feel something even fear

Others abuse; lie, rape, murder, manipulate, drink driving, self conscious, vanity, this is insanity!

To experience the pleasures of what? Tell me what have we truly got?

We come with nothing and leave what we teach behind, what's so wrong in living kind

Don't you want to leave behind respect and knowledge? Druggie sex pest or educated at college?

It isn't hard to find the way, just get off that path, go on stray!

You have created this monster in me where I don't feel, now I want to change this and get you real

You effect the people around, your attitude and behaviour is what others have found

Just one heart beat; just one tear, now I remember what I fear

I can't change the world but I can start with myself, I hope you follow in good health.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)

Out of the Mist 2009 -

Push forward

It’s about seeing past the mist

If you can’t your ass goodbye you’ve already kissed

Get out of that frame of mind, it’s about to twist!

Making you do and say crazy things that you can’t resist

You won’t solve anything using your fist

You design your life and what it can consist

If anything you hold yourself back and make happiness hard to exist

Stop dwelling on the past and mark it off your get over it list!

That dream you dream you need to persist.

Hero or Murderer

Help the hero’s!

Is this a joke?

Those people killed their own making families and hearts broke!

Yeah, well done you!

Can’t believe you’re proud of what you do

This is the world we live in!

No wonder children grow killing

We teach them this sin

Congratulations heroes!

What if that was your brother father or own?

Be different if it was your broken home!

All these years past and your minds are still thrown

“Rest in peace, God be with your brave soul”

Are you sure?

God is about love not putting people in a hole

For a lost loved one there is no cure

You did that hero! You put yourself in that situation

I won’t praise your annihilations

Spreading your darkness in the nations

You are encouraging the next generations

The monsters of today and forward are your creations!

The hero’s of today are unrecognized while soldiers are praised for their murders but covered by lies

What a contradiction! It’s okay for you to murder but not others?

Teach your children the truths to prevent; I’m talking to all not just fathers and mothers

If this is what you class as a hero, are chances of positive change is a big fat zero!

Fighting for peace is like shagging for virginity, you may fool others but you won’t fool me!

A distant friendship so close

I was sitting here thinking; who could this man be

My bitterness don't scare you away from me

My image covers and for me others don't see

But you listen and see past

A friendship that without a doubt will last

Something that is supposed to be

Someone there that listens to me

Someone that looks past what they can see

You don't judge by my past; something we can relate

Sharing views of love and hate

We have a special bond that we create

You my dear friend are the greatest mate

Bound together by the thing you call fate!

I am forgotten

I'm still here and I am forgotten

Bet you'll all be there when I'm beneath smelly and rotten!

But not when I'm here, no I am forgotten!

Outside I'm shining and happy, but inside I'm dying, crying, the outside of me to you is lying!

But it's okay because you don't see; you see everything but not me!

I'm still here and I am forgotten

Bet you'll all be there when I'm beneath smelly and rotten

But not when I'm here, no I am forgotten!

You all get on with it like I don't exist, judging me by my past when I was always pissed

But you don't offer a hand, no! I struggle and you judge leaving me alone in the dark on no man’s land!

Then later you say I could have turned to you, but I did and you looked straight through, I was scared and lost, you walked past me like I was a ghost

I'm still here and I am forgotten

Bet you'll all be there when I'm beneath smelly and rotten!

But not when I'm here, no I am forgotten!

You'll all shed tears and say the things you should've, help me the way you could've

But not when I'm here, no I am forgotten!

Drink driving

That risk you take is a life you take

Drink and drive, that person is no longer alive

You were feeling great but now you struggled to break

"But I only had five, it was a small drive!"

Tell that to the body that is lying still, blood pouring out, tell the family and see how they feel

"I didn't think this would happen to me, I thought I'd be okay, I could see!"

You got behind the wheel, are you that thick! People like you make me sick!

Rules are there for a reason; please remember that, it doesn't matter about the season.

Use your brain then that body won’t be there, blood streaming down the drain while you try to remain calm because you didn't mean to cause harm but you did, a feeling of guilt for life you won’t get rid

Don't drink and drive to keep yourself and others alive!

The model

Her hair dyed blonde, her lips bright pink

Her life looked glam behind that camera but the image is a scam

By sleeping around she feels in power, like she is beautiful when she comes out that shower

But all the guys know she is easy, that’s why she always attracts the sleazy

She was very well spoken, but her bank was broken

Sleeping around to make it on Sky TV, Not worrying she might catch a STD

She still goes around opening wide and you guys still go in for a ride

Whatever happened to self respect! Girls like that you should neglect

But I guess if you want herpes, aids, warts or any other of the sorts it’s your own thoughts!

It may look like a great gold field, It’s you’re health and image you build, but if I was you put up that shield and remember self respect gets you more than reject!

Walk alone

The sky is white, the floor is white; there is nothing around in my site

I was standing here when I awoke; how did I even get here, is this a joke?

I walk alone in silence with no one to depend; I walk in the snow for days on end

I came to realise this was life; a long cold journey I had to walk alone and to survive

The blankness is space for me to fill in and create; a picture of what I allow, there is no fate!

I rely on me, I design my path; I say this with a knowing laugh.

My love is your light

By H.L.Rippingale and David Sudsey 2009

Don't you see I am not what you see?

I am not the person you want me to be!

All I think about all day is getting just one glimpse of you,

you walk like a dream of Angels in scented morning dew

I walk alone in darkness in a mist, inside I do not live!

I look lovable but I have none to give

Just open your Heart you have freedom inside,

Let my words be your thoughts, my love be your guide

Maybe I don't want to be guided, I have become comfortable lost

For I was stolen leaving me cold as frost

I do not want to change you as I love who you are

You feel close to me, but I know you're so far

How can you love me when I don't even know who I am

You are good to me but I don't deserve a kind loving man

You deserve a heartbeat and a hand to hold at night

please come out of the mist and into the light

I like being lost and empty I feel no pain

I don't want to feel those tears like rain!

Then I will leave you alone with your choice

My Heart is yours...but you don't hear my voice

I hold myself back from love

Maybe it's time to let go and fly on the wings of this dove .

You’re killing me for that!

Mother I am in your womb and you are already trying to put me in a tomb!

Why are you poisoning me with that drink and smoke? How do you think it effect's me when it makes you choke? And you think its fare when you snort that coke? Fix up mum, you're a joke!

I didn't ask to be here you created me, you're not ready for me don't you see!

How can you teach me how to behave when you don't know even know how to, your more interested in going to that rave! We are both heading for an early grave, this is your fault, I'm your baby please try and save!

You fall in love for the boys, they look like men but they treat woman like toys!

Why didn't you wait! I want to be here but not like this but now it's too late!

You starved my brain of oxygen and didn't treat me right, now I will grow with learning difficulties and being healthy is going to be a fight! All because you wanted fun on that night!

I am in your womb; it may as well be my tomb

I love you mum, don't you love me? This isn't how it's supposed to be

Remember you damaged my health; you did that all by yourself!

If I

If I was a doll would you have me or throw me in a box

If I was a rabbit would you care for me or throw me to the fox?

If I had a bad day and I felt cold as snow, would you still love me or let me go?

If I was a damaged plant would you wait for me to heal and grow?

If I was a cold dark night would you come and be my light?

If I couldn’t see would you be my sight?

If I couldn’t hear would you be my sound?

If I was so lost in myself is there hope for me to be found?

Happy

Happy in the heart attracts

Live a life that only holds the facts

Treat yourself with respect

This way you can’t feel reject

Happy is the things you receive

When inside yourself you believe

Understanding in what you don’t

Gives you knowledge in what they won’t

Happy is what I am for you

I am there when you’re feeling blue

A friend in an enemy to make it right

Life doesn’t have to be a lonely fight

Happy is what you should be

Let go of grudges so you can live free.

Unheard

Angels can you hear my prayer?

How will I know which one is there?

Torn between two worlds that are unseen

But I choose one where I am stuck in-between

A choice to be free which is the sin

Why can’t it be like it was meant to begin?

Confused by human rules

Taught by blinded selfish fools

Lost inside with no one there

My minds burning because the lack of care

Why can’t I find what is meant for me

Maybe I am supposed to be alone and empty?

I have let you in so you can answer my prayer

Please lord, for my mind, heart body and soul I just want someone there!

I’m tired and scared, but for more disappointment I’m prepared

I put my trust in you again, thanks for all, Amen.

Lost inside

I looked deep inside today and found myself alone and dusty

I have been buried and lost for time, I couldn't even see

I tried to pull myself up and out of this shell

But this mask won't allow nor will my shield so I fell

I am buried from myself and I am moulding to stay this way

I don't expect you to understand what I think or say

I have many faces but I know in my heart to myself I am true

How can I kill the masks and become who I once knew?

Wipe away the cobwebs and rid the clutter

Stop living inside where I know I will shatter

How do I begin to know what is real when I don't even know what it is to feel

How can I see when I am blind, how can I be when you didn't even find

Living life of confusion thanks to all the abusing, choices I wasn't choosing

Now I'm existing without the care, I wish someone would come in so I could share

I'm trapped behind these eyes; you might get a glimpse if one tries

You will get pushed away like I do the rest; I'll treat you like an unwelcome guest

I looked deep inside today and found myself alone and dusty

I have been buried and lost for time, I couldn't even see

I tried to pull myself up and out of this shell

But this mask won't allow nor will my shield so I fell.

Pranks a lot

Pranks a lot, I lost the plot, who ever I was I have forgot

What I wanted is what is not

How can I live when inside I rot and the reason I live has gone from the cot

And the coldest days to me is the ones that are hot

So I appreciate the things that I got because the things that I want is the things that are not.

We are one

Your body held against mine, how I want you all the time

Sweet whispers gently in my ear, never alone because you’re always near

A strong sense of security, our hearts tide with purity

Silence but we’re content; compatible, a love that is meant

The way you look behind my smile, understanding that is worth while

When things get hard and we have an issue, I know you’ll be there when I need a tissue

Your touch sends a tingle down my spine, how I am proud you are all mine

Music playing in the air; I feel your love and see you care

I will do everything in my power to please; to my heart you have the keys

Sleeping in your arms knowing you’re the one, to the past I have become numb

Walk by my side all the way, be in my heart, soul and mind every day.

The last leaf

Sometimes I feel lonely as the last leaf on a winter’s tree

But that gives me space to do anything as I am wild and free

Now not many people can understand how loneliness can be fun

But I understand because at this I am number one

Yes number one at being the funniest

At making my egg the runniest

I can watch TV at 4am

Friends can visit when ever around the clock like big Ben

I can sleep in when I feel

I can play on games living a life that’s unreal

And I do get lonely every here and there

But I have my beer and my favourite arm chair

I can eat as I please

I can wipe my snot on my sleeve when I sneeze

I can do many things without restriction

Lonely is a blessing in its own condition

I am free as the last leaf on the tree

Now don’t you wish you were lonely like me?

Unconditional love

You draw on my walls

You can be a terror at school

You spill over my drink

You stick bits down the sink

You plonk toys down the loo

You are always screaming and I don’t always know what to do

You make loads of mess

You put your sticky hands all down my dress

You stain the floor

You go through my cupboards to explore

You put food in my bed

24/7 you are in my head

Sleepless nights Waking up when you have those night frights

Exhausted but have to wake

You’re screaming for breakfast you want a milkshake

And although my body does ache

And I sometimes have to smile fake

I love every hard moment when you’re asleep and awake

I love your snotty nose

And all the mess that you make

A love born within

Bringing my heart to sing

An unconditional love

A gift sent from above

Never loved by you

Black roses with blood tears

You’re forcing me down drowning me in all my fears

Silent screams that no one hears

You left a permanent stain in my heart

I’ll rip it out and make us depart!

Your feelings were untrue

But I fell so deeply in love with you

Now I know what I must do

You left a permanent stain in my heart

I’ll rip it out and make us depart!

Drinking and smoking heavily to kill the pain

But I’m killing my health driving myself insane

Realising you’re not feeling the same

You left a permanent stain in my heart

I’ll rip it out and make us depart!

Never dwell on those that don’t dwell you

Focus on what you have to get you through

Cut the rotten bit out and eventually heal and replace with a new

Because the pain you feel, they haven’t a clue

You are no longer stained in my heart

I’ll place it back for another to part

You never loved me

Now I know I can be free

Meet someone real to start my family tree

You are no longer stained in my heart

I’ll place it back for another to part

My loving words and touch on someone new

Fires of passion with another, not you!

Good luck finding a partner that will stay true

You are no longer stained in my heart

I’ll place it back for another to part

Live and learn

When things go wrong I just take a turn

Because now for you I have no concern

The love I had, I let it burn

You are no longer in my heart

You had your chance but now we depart!

A few selected dark poems from When the Mist has Gone

That little girl

What happened to that little girl?

She had a smile on her face

One day she disappeared

Gone without a trace

Do you think this girl can take anymore?

Every bright summer’s day a dark reminder

Cutting her to the core

A never ending thick fog appeared

Took her from this place

When it did die down

She got cold, couldn’t talk nor face

It reappeared thicker than before

Could you give her your hand?

She’s lost deep within herself once more

Do you understand?

So that little girl got trapped inside a taller form

Still reaching to get out

There inside her head stirred a deadly storm

She couldn’t scream or shout.

Who is that little girl, who once held a true smile upon her face?

I am that little girl, born then banished with disgrace.

At hard times

Sometimes we feel we’re away at a great distance

But it’s in the disturbed mind

We sometimes need assistance

At some point in life sanity is harder to find

Feelings are so hard to control

But it can be done

Why does it feel were constantly on patrol?

Never take the easy way out and run

It’ll only get harder

All you need is a breather

Let it out and cry on a friendly shoulder

Feelings I like to compare to a fever.

Grasp of darkness

I’m the lost soul with the empty eyes

Filled only with darkness and a glimpse of life

Clouding around me the dark mist grows

Grasping at my throat the confusion grows

Emptiness is filling but yet the anger grows

Tearing at my skin, down fall my clothes

Down on my knees pulling at my hair;

No one before me but the night’s empty glare

Coldness fills in the empty spaces

Suddenly swirling around are laughing faces

Teasing and stirring the faces are whirling

Cold, dizzy and weak; my mouth opens but I can’t speak

Reaching before me, no receiving helping hand

Lost in darkness on no man’s land

I stumble blindly out of the darkness to find my feet

Pushed back again, I admit defeat

It’s clear these demons won’t allow me to be complete

Naked I stand, shaking and incomplete, admitting defeat

Ripping at my skin, pulling my hair, heads spinning, where’s the care?

What more pain for me need life seek?

Show me the light and I will follow, you can’t so the darkness will swallow

Trapped in this darkness, can’t escape

No one about to help when I scream or shout

No guidance, just the emptiness and coldness smothering my heart

Time to go, give into the dark.

In the sun

It hurts

I’m a no one

Just a bit of fun

Do you know what you’ve done!

This is where the mist begun

Rape in the sun

O the fun!

Twelve, what have you done?

Priority’s no longer my number one

I’m your little bit of fun

All in the sun

You just wanted to be done

I was as good as a nun

But you got your fun

All in the sun

Now I’m damaged and done!

Don’t you see

Can you not see what I foresee?

Bodies bobbing in the deep sea

The earth will be under

In the sky is thunder

Above is blood red

You should’ve done what he said!

Prevention is long gone

But that doesn’t mean you have to live wrong

There is still a chance for your redemption

Live life positive and make exception

Live your life to love life

You won’t find happiness in one that thinks it’s great to carry a knife!

Be happy in yourself before looking to another

This will be the right way to find your true lover

Image is deceiving

Loving your self is receiving

A positive life you need to be achieving

This place I speak of there is no grieving

No longer will anyone be leaving

Getting to this place you have to be believing

This place is in reach but time is short

Don’t just read this, give it a thought!

Darkest Depths

Trying to get these thoughts out this head of mine, without pulling the trigger to my 9

I couldn’t feel any more of a wreck, throwing the fifth bottle of wine down my neck!

I no longer have anywhere to run, nor can anything be un-done

I need to stop and think for a sec, nope still insane, I just had to check!

Twelve and raped in the sun, where was you then mum?

No anger when you knew, but I guess I learnt how to do that too

Blocked the pain by holding back, and you wonder why my mind went blank!

You haven’t a clue what I have been through or what I knew but in silence I just grew

My feelings turned raw, leaving my mind to explore the darker side to life; we learnt that after I found out he had a wife; while I cut my wrist with that knife!

She fell pregnant then I did soon after, wasn’t that some laughter!

Then I meet another prick! But back then my mind was easy to trick!

Not any more you woman beating sex pest! Thought you were a hard druggie man wearing that vest!

But then you never had a girl like me, punched you back and set myself free,

Thought I would always agree to your charm, you didn’t know I was going to be the one causing you harm

How can you find someone that likes being out of their own mind?

I enjoy being this crazed, best thing about not being raised

A cross dressing stalker looking at my daughter was the last straw, don’t know if I can be this nice person anymore, peeping through my windows and always knocking on my door!

Fuck off! I don’t want to tell you what for, but I am getting to the point where I might pour petrol over your heads while you sleep in your beds, don’t worry about the feds, it will be worth it just to hear you scream as I drop that match without any dread

Here I crack, I can’t hold it back!

I find it amusing to watch you in pain; you can call me miss crazy insane!

But to me it is okay in my brain, you deserve it, in my world this is sane

I enjoy watching you go grey in the face, for this is my grace

I kept too much in, now I’m living my life in sin

I find it pleasurable being so cruel while you spit blood, I don’t mind, I want more so I’ll give you a thud!

Body parts sitting on trays while I gaze and lick, just to watch you be sick!

Stay in defeat, while I eat your fleshy raw meat

Go on sob! Your life is mine to rob

Living life without a care, and you think on us abused what you did was fair

You thought your mind was misty, I think mines a little twisty

There is no key to my heart, go now before I rip you apart!

Let me live life loving the dark! I don’t get pleasure from that loving spark